i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
