That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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