About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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