I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
