Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
