you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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