Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They took my balls.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
