im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
