cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
