D3 body, D1 cock
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
