I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
