bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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