Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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