Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
