she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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