Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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