apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
