dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize