I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
