He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
