How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
