Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
