week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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