you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
