That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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