I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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