Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
