We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
