if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
