He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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