I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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