then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
