I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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