Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
