Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
