there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
