y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
