After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My bed smells like the plague
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
