remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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