i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
