He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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