all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
