i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
