You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there is glitter all over my balls
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
