Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
