She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
