I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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