I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize