my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
