His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
