Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
