69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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