I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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