And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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