my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
