i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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