he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
