I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
