just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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